On April 7th, we hosted a speaker event on the topic of Resiliency featuring a panel of experts from the AHS community. Dr. Jessica Cooperman, PhD, Dr. Steven Selchen, MD, MSt and Dr. Eddy Pakes led an informative and engaging evening in discussion about transitions and building resilience.
Read what one of our expert panelists, Dr. Jessica Cooperman, had to say on the topic:
Resilience is the ability to bounce back and to overcome adversity. Even in the face of trauma, most people emerge resilient. It follows then that most children facing typical life stressors, such as the transition from elementary to middle school, will also be resilient. Despite this, as parents, we feel pressure to do more to help our children succeed.
Today, there is a culture of “over-parenting” – a tendency to try to keep our children happy in the moment, to shelter them from setbacks. In the 1970s, children were raised in a parenting culture of “benign neglect.” Parents were generally less involved in children’s friendships and schooling. Children had more opportunities to experience and explore on their own. Today, many parents try to prevent their children from experiencing failure or discomfort, trying to sweep obstacles from their children’s paths. The reality of life is that not every minute can be happy or perfect and our children will have setbacks and disappointments. We need to allow children to experience the full range of emotions so they can develop coping resources to deal with challenging times.
Normal anxieties of childhood drop off when children have experiences that allow them to face and master their fears. The more children are gradually exposed to difficult situations, the more they learn what works and what does not and the better equipped they are to cope in the future.
Ultimately, we need to parent for competence. While it feels good to have happy children in the moment, ideally, we should instead be taking a long-term perspective on happiness. Allowing our children to experience rather than avoid the typical stressors of growing up, while uncomfortable in the moment, will help prepare them for the challenges that lie ahead.
A few take-aways:
- Do not underestimate what your children are able to do and their ability to tolerate difficult situations
- Give your children the space to take chances and experience setbacks
- Reward perseverance rather than focus on the end result
- Let your children know you too have failed
- Focus on what leads to health and happiness in the long-run vs. what will make your children happy from moment to moment
- Model good coping skills for your children
- Take care of yourselves: find a mindful moment
Dr. Jessica Cooperman is a clinical psychologist working in private practice. Her work includes therapy with children, adolescents and adults. In addition to her private work, for over 15 years, Dr. Cooperman assessed and treated children and adolescents at Markham Stoufville Hospital. At the hospital, Dr. Cooperman was the clinical team lead for Child & Adolescent Services. She was also the principal investigator of a research project evaluating a Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy group for adolescents suffering from depression that incorporated group exercise. Finally, Dr. Cooperman was also one of the principal developers of ATLAS, a day hospital program for teens with anxiety and depression.
